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word. I could tell you my adventures beginning from this morning...
skagurl
keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake...
-homer
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word

i'm old.

<3

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Current Mood: drunk old

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
oh yeah perfect, now then computer, kill flanders. . . d'oooh $5000 for a computer and it can't handle a simple assignment.
-homer
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word


so i like 24, it's quite entertaining, and i'm probably too involved w/ everything and what not; and watching 24 while knitting makes me knit faster...
i want to learn to hack so i can be l33t like the people that work at ctu.

and i like how jack takes over things to do it his way
basically what he just said to one of his co-workers was, 'i just killed 1 million people today, including people i cared about, if you don't want to be 1,000,001, do what i say'
which i find absolutely amasing.


i don't want to kill people, but i want to be kuel and l33t like jack.

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Current Mood: jealous jealous

what it is?
skagurl
the pink ones keep you from screaming.
-grandpa simpson
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word





i need to stop making myself become so exhausted that i think stupid things and get all worked up over things that don't need to be worked up over.

(nothing has been resolved from my previous posts as of typing this, i'm just saying...)

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Current Mood: exhausted exhausted

what it is?
skagurl
hello domino's? what do you mean you're not open?! no you call me back during business hrs!! i'll show you who's a recorded message!!
-homer
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word


WHY DOESN'T ANYONE FREAKING CALL ME BACK WHEN I CALL THEM?!

you're not the only person in the world that is important you know. other people do exist.


jerks.

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Current Mood: pissed off pissed off

what it is?
skagurl
some of us prefer illusion to reality.
-nelson
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word

probably. that's how you answer when really you want to say no, but you're in front of people and feel pressured to say yes. so you say probably, knowing full well that you won't, just to get out of committing to a definite answer.
you can say no. i'd really prefer it if you did. rather than giving me a glimmer of hope that i should never have had to begin w/...

i just hate it when you look me in the eye and say it. that's how i know. that's how i know you're lying. you look directly in my face and tell me what everyone else wants to hear. the lie that everything is happy and normal.

just say you don't want to hang out w/ me any more. it's not like i need you or anything. i just thought i'd share part of my life w/ you but apparently you've stopped caring and don't want to be in my life any more...





and you'll never read this, and you'll never know how i feel, and i'll just continue acting like everything is fine...

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Current Mood: annoyed upset

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
oh! why must i be so voluptuous?!
-homer
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word

so cindy knows now, i told her.
it just sorta came out
but yea... i suppose i should tell people more often when i am struggling w/ something.

i haven't eaten anything today since the potluck at 1am
although that is partially due to the fact that i have felt sick since the potluck at 1 am...
but yea...

i've realised that when i do this, i make myself weak, which makes me more susceptible to negative thoughts and feelings and behaviours. like right now, currently being very negative in my head right now, but i don't really have the energy to fight it off really...

some day i'm going to erupt i know..

meybe i should start cutting myself andor do drugs, while i'm at it
yay self-destructive behaviour!

on another note though my cake was sort of a hit, well ok not really, people thought it was cute to look at but no one wanted to eat it...
yay something else i suck at!
i wish i could die right now and get it over w/...


</3

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Current Mood: exhausted exhausted

what it is?
skagurl
oh! why must i be so voluptuous?!
-homer
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word

so yea. word.
so reeta called me out on it, and i'm admitting to it. lately i've developed some anorexic tenancies...
it started out as i couldn't afford ice cream one week at work and so i didn't have any and then i lost 5 lbs...
then i stopped eating out mostly, then i stopped eating unless i was around people, now i don't even do that
i mean i do eat during the day to sustain myself. but... that's pretty much it.
i usually try and eat the least possible calories i can get away w/
nobody really knows... i lie and tell people that i'm just watching what i eat... yea, i'm watching what i eat alright...
except reeta, reeta knows. gail and sarah might have an idea... and you know.

but it doesn't seem real. 'cause i'm just barely a size 10 again. and most anorexic people you can see their ribs, which you can't see mine, yet, and are size 2 or 0 or something, they look like a malnourished ethiopian child and their faces are usually sunken in
which i am none of those things

God told me tonight that my behaviour towards food is selfish. which i had never really thought about it like that before, but it's true. because i'm only thinking of myself when i'm starving myself and restricting my food intake.
i told reeta i was only doing this for prom, but when prom is over though, i don't know if i'll be able to stop.

i'm 7lbs away from being the weight on my driver's license.

having a bf has made it worse i think, because his whole family is skinny, naturally, so i feel like i have to live up to that in order for him to like me
and seeing his desktop picture didn't help any...

and past experience dictates the fact that i've only had boyfriends when i've been this weight or smaller, usually smaller. so...

it's more comforting to listen to the voice in my head telling me that i'm fat and unattractive than to believe anything else.

reeta said she doesn't want to see me like this, i don't either. but i'm currently don't have much control over the situation...
which i suppose is exactly where satan wants me.
in not fighting/losing this battle i'm letting satan win, and it's weird to think of it like that, and that i don't mind it.

there's more to say, but it is only depressing and i'm sleepy, the caffeine finally wore off i think...

</3

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Current Mood: depressed depressed

6 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
ralph, Jesus didn't have wheels.
-sunday school teacher
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word

so i have a car now, it's a 2003 ford focus
it's white
and the best part is, it runs!
it's gonna take some getting used to as the controls are different from my old car

but the best part is really that i totally felt the Lord in this whole deal
i've been praying about this since mon, terribly distraught really and it's hard really to trust and not worry when you're praying for something you're concerned about.
so as we were driving to the car emporium i'm praying again and i just sorta felt a peace about it
and the guy was really awesome, he was more concerned about getting me in a car in payments i could afford than making a sale
he even let me like borrow a car for the night to drive to work so my mom wouldn't have to drive me, that guy was awesome
so initially last night he said my payments would be around 240ish, which is not too bad, it's better than what american last quoted me, which was 324, he may have been trying to work w/ me but brett was trying to work w/ me and he ended up getting my payments below his initial quote so...
yea, 2003, 203 per month, it runs. so i'm happy
i can just see God's fingerprints all over the deal. which is great. i like looking back and seeing where God has been. it's comforting and trust increases all the more


so if you're in modesto and you need a car, go to the car emporium, the guys are great, and not pushy, it's off of kiernan and mc henry near that boyett gas station. it's the 2nd one from the corner



<3

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Current Mood: pleased pleased

what it is?
skagurl
public transportation is for jerks and lesbians. oh i guess i'll walk...
-homer
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word


i hate cars.
) :

</3

Tags:
Current Mood: sad sad

what it is?
skagurl
too upset for simpson quote.
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word

so today was pretty much like the song jury duty by the supertones.

my car has not been running well for a while, i went to costco to get a battery that pat said he'd install
i hate people at costco, not the people that work at costco, the people shopping at costco, so rude and inconsiderate, yea i don't want to relive that right now or ever.
did not realise said battery would be so expensive...

so i get to the mcclay's house pat does his thing, checks the radiator, just needs a new cap, thank God. installs the battery. good.
so i'm leaving to go home 'cause i was tired and didn't need to be there any more and my car won't really shift into reverse and it won't shift past it.
yea.
i try in vain to get it into drive w/o breaking it. no good.
pat comes out, takes the car a part he determines what the problem is but he can't really fix it.
the car is like stuck inbetween reverse and neutral.
he's like you're gonna need to take it to the shop to have that fixed, there's a shop like a couple of blocks away that he recommended but i don't have any money right now, which sux 'cause i just got paid. so i had to leave my car there for a while...
so i called my mom to be sure she was home, and jodi took me home.
she's not gonna help me out, which i didn't expect her to.
at least she's driving me to work...

i just want to crawl into a hole and stay there until everything is over with and then come out and have everything fixed and back to normal...

Tags: ,
Current Mood: sad sad
Current Music: the o c supertones - jury duty

what it is?
skagurl
oh sure, it's easy to point out my faults, it's even harder to shut up!
-homer
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word

welp, i've done it, i've added a pic of me and my bf as my profile picture on facebook, soon on myspace...
now i'm one of those annoying chicks that has a pic of her and her bf as the profile pic

sorry if i make you vomit.
i <3 him


<3

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Current Mood: embarrassed embarrassed

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
dear God, we pay for all this stuff ourselves so, thanks for nothing.
-bart
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word

so i'm shopping online on amazon to get something for a friend for their birthday, and i guess whenever you put a book in your wish list it'll tell you if the price has gone up or down since the last time you were visiting their site...
so after i added the book to my cart for my friend a box pops up that says:

Important Messages
Please note that the price of God In Search Of Man A Philosophy Of Judaism has decreased from $6.49 to $5.18 since you placed it in your Shopping Cart. Items in your cart will always reflect the most recent price displayed on their product detail pages.

Please note that the price of Reflecting the Glory: Meditations for Living Christ's Life in the World has increased from $5.61 to $7.38 since you placed it in your Shopping Cart. Items in your cart will always reflect the most recent price displayed on their product detail pages.

Please note that the price of Following Jesus: Biblical Reflections on Discipleship has increased from $8.27 to $10.08 since you placed it in your Shopping Cart. Items in your cart will always reflect the most recent price displayed on their product detail pages.

Please note that the price of Evil has decreased from $13.10 to $12.96 since you placed it in your Shopping Cart. Items in your cart will always reflect the most recent price displayed on their product detail pages.
(i added the bold)

i LOLed, then i tried to click on the book "evil" to see what it was 'cause i didn't remember what book i was looking at titled evil. so i clicked on the link and i got this message

Important Message
We're sorry. An error occurred when we tried to process your request. Rest assured, we're working to resolve the problem as soon as possible. You may try your request again or continue shopping.

heh heh heh silly satan, increasing evil in my life : þ

and how true that statement is...

<3

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Current Mood: amused amused

2 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
dad, women won't like being shot in the face
-lisa
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word

i really don't want to talk about it, so i won't, but today was pretty much the worst father's day i've ever experienced.
and that's all i'm going to say. i don't want to really relive it
i have no father.

</3

Tags:
Current Mood: sad unloved

2 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
whenever i'm confused i just check my underwear, it holds the answers to all of life's questions.
-grandpa simpson
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word

so my most recent posts have been kind of depressing and i don't want to end on a sad note until my next post. so...




and quagmire!



<3

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Current Mood: tired tired

what it is?
skagurl
I know that all this obsession with thinness is unrealistic and antifeminist…BUT THAT'S JUST WHAT A FAT GIRL WOULD SAY!
-lisa
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word

i feel kind of trapped and like i'm deceiving all of my friends.
yes sarah, i was hongry today at lunch, but i didn't want to pay for an over priced sandwich and i feel like the good year blimp.

i worked out for an hr and a half yesterday playing ddr and then i've been sitting on my mom's "fitness orb" instead of my desk chair to help w/ my "core"

i just can't bring myself to eat right now. despite my hunger pains.
and like right now it seems like food is bombarding me from everywhere right now...

and i don't want help for it.

<3

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Current Mood: hungry hungry

what it is?
skagurl
he who ha-has last ha-has best.
-nelson
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word

so i started at the bottom of the page and read up all of my entries to reminisce and make a few of them friends only that previously weren't..
and i know i've said this before, but i'm funny. i crack myself up sometimes
i mean i like being funny, and it's entertaining to me and my friends, i'm just not aware of it sometimes, which i suppose is the beauty of my comedy, it's unintentional most of the time

that's pretty much all i have to say about that

<3

Tags: ,
Current Mood: amused amused

what it is?
skagurl
if you marry me, we will honeymoon in nebulan 5. also known as san diego.
-comic book guy
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word


ok this is what i want to do at my wedding now.


this is awesome

and i've been doing this for the past hr and a half while on the computer



<3

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Current Mood: bouncy bouncy

what it is?
skagurl
maybe death will stop your yammering.
-marge
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word

so, recent events have lead me towards a dark place that i don't really want to be at right now.
and yet i see myself approaching it, and i'm not really doing much to prevent my upcoming stay.
it's almost like i'm welcoming it on.
come comfort me, dark, self-loathing hatred that is not my own.
i feel a weird calm about myself when i'm in these moods and i finally come to accept the fact that everyone hates me, and i'm a fat cow.
it's similar to the satisfaction you feel from being right all along...

so it's begun w/ my prom.
i was trying to lose weight so i can could look hot at my prom and fit in to a smaller dress.
well one week i couldn't really afford to get the ice cream from the mall that i had been getting everyday of the week practically, and in that week of not eating ice cream i lost 5 lbs flat.
that was the beginning...
then i stopped eating on my break at relay work
then i stopped eating out or only eating the healthy alternatives, like the fruit cup from jack in the box
so far, all in total, i've lost about 20lbs... and i want to lose atleast 10 more, minimum
most recently though, i've become a social eater only...

i keep looking at myself in the mirror and all i see is this fat ugly person, and can't understand why people would want to even be w/ me
i don't think my anorexic tendencies have ever been like this before
however i feel powerless to stop, it was really hard for me to eat yesterday at the concert and i probably could have gone the entire day w/o eating...
i'm not sure where this is heading but i don't see dinner dates being present in my not too distant future...

i don't know, i'm just being stupid in my head and i can't really control it...
i feel like i'm too fat to be w/ my bf whom i believe hates me right now, which i'm sure isn't true but because i'm so messed up right now, i think it's true though along w/ some other lies that i don't want to say

i hate talking to my dad because he makes me feel unimportant. and i almost wish i hadn't seen him a few months ago. i think that made it worse
he never initiates anything w/ me, i'm never a fore thought on his mind, whenever i'm on the phone w/ him he's always doing something else or talking to someone else
reading to own a dragon has helped me understand that most, if not all, of my problems stem from my lack of relationship w/ my father
meybe the writing on the inside of his father's day card should read "happy father's day from your daughter that you caused to be self-conscious, anorexic, depressed, have low self-esteem, doubt every relationship she's ever been in and will be in and think everyone hates her" amongst other self loathing adjectives that are currently floating about inside my head right now...

there is more that i feel, but words fail me now.

i thought i was done w/ this, i thought i had gotten over the self-destructiveness...

well apparently not.

<3

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Current Mood: depressed depressed

3 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
a band in a closet, every girl's dream.
-marge
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word

so yesterday was this
and i went.
and it was great.

i'd never heard shiny toy guns before, and they are great, i <3 them
as well as the bravery and the faint.

and i can now say that i've seen block party in concert, which, was amasing by the by.
and seeing kaiser chiefs and interpol again was fabulous as well, even though we were so far back i really didn't see them that well, i think i'm gonna keep an eye out for other tour dates

it was really great spending time w/ my co-worker friends outside of work, away from the interruptions
we were all happy and normal 'cause we weren't at work : þ
here are some of the pictures from the day

it was kind of interesting, when we first got there enjoli got a wrist band so she could get alcohol, and we saw a booth for designated drivers, which i pretty much was. i drove so i wasn't planning on drinking, but i wasn't planning on drinking any way because alcohol is expensive and most of it tastes gross to me
so we signed up, but it was kinda lame 'cause we only got one free beverage...
and i find it quite amasing that the designated driver wrist band had an advertisement for corona on it...

it was a very long day... long but good.

<3

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Current Mood: tired tired

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
so sad, and so sexy, yet so delicious mmmm...
-homer
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word

taken tonight.

<3

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Current Mood: loved loved

what it is?
skagurl
houston we have a problem, a sexy problem.
-homer
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word

so according both myspace and facebook now say that i'm in a relationship, and it's true for once! : þ
paul and i went and saw pirates 3 on mon, and then we went out to my 2nd favourite chinese food place, and then we talked until i had to go to work
he was like, so i have a question, was this a friends going to see a movie thing? or a date?
i told him i'm happy with either, we debated a bit after that about whether or not to be in a relationship because of the impending distance, but in the end we decided we'd just "ask where our dreams are going and hook up w/ them later"<./mitch hedberg>  aka just see what happens and either be really sad and devistated in aug, or not
all i know is i'm really happy right now, and i don't want to screw the pooch on this one.


<3

Tags: ,
Current Mood: loved loved

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
bart, where are you? your dinner is getting all cold and eaten...
-homer
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word


so i just discovered that jack in the box serves fruit cups as a healthy alternative.
this is good for 2 reasons
a. i like fruit
2. i just lost 3 more lbs and i want to continue w/ this
d. this doesn't have strawberries!! it has all the fruit in it that i like and i want to eat!! it has pineapple, cantaloupe, honeydew and grapes!!
7. since it's an item on the menu, it will always be there, as opposed to starbux where the fruit cup similar item is not always in stock and it has strawberries which i don't care for.

<3

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Current Mood: happy happy

what it is?
skagurl
i wish i'd married a business man, then i'd have nice things.
-homer
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word


so i like how when i come home from work, my online guy friends have posted urls to websites giving dating help/advice : þ

<3

Tags: ,
Current Mood: amused amused

what it is?
skagurl
no one gets into heaven w/o a glow stick...
-homer
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word

The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
No they cant take that away from me

i love Jesus <3

that's pretty much all i have to say about that.

i was driving home and this song came on and i was singing along and it was almost over and the 2nd to the last line hit me, the way you changed my life, no they can't take that away from me...
so then i had to listen to it again, and then  it made me smile to think of Jesus holding a hat and drinking tea,  (and holding a  knife, give me all your money! : þ)  and changing my life, which made me  a little bit teary eyed, but that's ok, that's what happens when i think about how great Jesus is and that's ok.
i love how something doesn't have to be "christian" to remind you of God, which is the point. God created everything, so essentially everything has the ability to remind you of him. and i'm noticing that more and more and i like it.
i'm glad that you changed my life, and you're continuing to change my life and no one can take that away from me.

<3

Tags:
Current Mood: loved loved
Current Music: frank sinatra - they can't take that away from me

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
single? well, he passes the selma test.
-selma
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word

i was just thinking about the situation, i think he's my jim halpert, and i'm pam beasley in this situation. except for the fact that i don't have a fiance to keep the relationship from developing, i have a karen.

and while i'm on this subject, i really hate the fact that i have to wait 3 more months to find out what's going to happen w/ pam and jim!!!! stupid nbc and the office and getting the summer off! ) :

<3

Tags: ,
Current Mood: disappointed disappointed

what it is?
skagurl
maybe death will stop your yammering.
-marge
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word

ich bin zurück, or i'm back for our non-german speaking friends
not sure how frequent my posts will be but yea

<3
/yma
2 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
word

so this past week i've had the song stolen by dashboard confessional on repeat, in my head, i rewind it at work... basically i've been "stolen", yay pun!, by this song.

it's on our tape at work and i hadn't really paid much attention to it until one day while it was playing the lyrics "you have stolen my heart" just struck me and it made me think of God, and i got all verklempt of course, and how he's basically had to steal our hearts back to himself...

i'm pretty sure he's singing about some girl, 'cause (well not to my knowledge at any rate) God doesn't walk around in the "highest heels", but that's what i love so much about this song is that, yea he's singing about some girl, but it makes me think of my love relationship w/ Jesus and sometimes i sing it back to him, 'cause it's true.

as i was driving home from work this morning i was listening to it and the last line in the song struck me, he says "We all look like we feel" and the chorus follows that which says "You have stolen my heart". and as i was singing i thought we should look like this, we should have the appearance of one that has been stolen from the world for heaven, one that has had their heart stolen for the greatest love of all, that is what truly is attractive to people who have not yet had their hearts stolen, to see it lived out and that is the life change, when your heart has been stolen for God and you look like that, you look like you've been over come w/ love for the greatest love you'll ever experience in your life and you invite others to have this same experience as well.

thank you God for stealing my heart back and help me to look like how i feel.


<3
/yma

Tags:
Current Mood: loved loved

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake...
-homer
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word

why i hate halloween by amy landers:
i hate halloween because i spend the entire year trying not to eat candy and then halloween is the only time when it's perfectly acceptable to eat alot of candy and then i get addicted and that's all i want to eat and it goes on sale for really cheap after it's over and then that's all i eat for days, and then i run out and don't have any more and then i'm sad but i still want to eat it and i don't have any more and then i buy a lot for full price and then i get really fat and i can't fit into my pants any more and then yea.
i'm actually still eating candy as i type this.

Current Mood: distressed distressed

what it is?
skagurl
WEDDING TODAY WEDDING TODAY !!!!!!

<3 ruth & josh

Tags:
Current Mood: ecstatic ecstatic

what it is?
skagurl
a band in a closet, every girl's dream.
-marge
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word


ok so this has to be the weirdest dream i've ever had in my life. i came home from work and i was petting the kitty, quagmire, on my mom's bed and when he left i thought, oh i'll just stay here for a bit and take a nap then get up. so here's the dream

so i was on like a girls weekend w/ my mom and some ladies and their children. we stopped for lunch at some little small town eatery, and i needed to wash my hands. one of the ladies said we'll eat inside and then you can use the bathroom. so i did that, and when i came out i couldn't find them. i figured out they were up stairs. so i went up stairs and i could not get the screen door open! it was so hard to push and at one point some foam-like substance was squirting out of the hinge of the door. and when i was about to give up someone from the inside came and opened the door for me. and they were like sitting and eating on the floor of like a room that someone would sleep in, like an apartment or hotel room. the drink i got i didn't realise it was carbonated and i poured it into what i thought was my water cup, but my water cup had been knocked over and i was actually pouring it in to one of the little girl's sprite cups. which turned out because i couldn't drink it anyway and she wanted to drink it, her mom was none too happy w/ it because of the sugaryness of it, like a carbonated koolaid sort of drink. while we were sitting there a family had come in and they were eating at the office desk in the room and someone else had come in and was eating on the bed in the room. some man came in and looked around for someone and then left.
when we left i was with 2 ladies again, i'm not sure if it was the same 2 ladies or different ones, at any rate i had to go to bsf and one of them was in it, the other one hadn't joined yet. so we were trying to figure out how to get to the bsf place, and i had brought my lesson and my notebook but i left it back at their house by accident and it was too late to go back, esp. since we parked the car a few streets away and started walking to try and figure out where the church was. and you'd think if you attended it regularly you'd know where it was held at... it was weird because i'm quite sure they were both mormon, and not that bsf excludes people of different faiths from attending the meetings, it's just that it's so different from what they believe about Jesus that i can't imagine they would be allowed to attend by their churches. at any rate we're looking for the church and i meet these hot guys and i ask them what church they go to, and they tell me the different ones and where they are located and what not.
next thing i'm in a car and i'm driving out in the country to a house, i'm the passenger. so i get out of the car and i'm walking up and it's my wedding. my mom is there getting something ready on one of the tables, and jennet comes up to me all excited and some other girls and guys that like i'm not sure who they are and I'm like, jennet, i don't have a dress. and everyone was like what?! and i was like yea, i don't have a wedding dress, i didn't have the money and i just kept putting it off and i didn't realise until pulling up that i didn't have a dress. and so jennet and the other girl start at it and they whip out a phone book and find bridal stores and they offered to each chip in to pay for it. my mom was upset, of course, and jennet and this other girl were going to drive me real quick to a store to go get a dress and someone told me that other than that, everything else was going smoothly. i have no idea who the guy was i was marrying, he didn't appear in the dream.
then i woke up and ate 2 english muffins.
i'm sure they mean something, probably, i dunno. i just thought the dream was like the weirdest thing ever

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

what it is?
skagurl
ralph, Jesus didn't have wheels.
-sunday school teacher
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word





<3
/yma

Tags:
Current Mood: thankful thankful

what it is?
skagurl
i wish i'd married a business man, then i'd have nice things.
-homer
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so, you're looking (well not really looking specifically, more like reading words from) the newest employee of the body shop!
yay++!!
2nd part time job, we'll see how this works out

(insert more tireness and less of a life here.)

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Current Mood: excited excited

3 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
if you see only one film this year that proves my innocence, see this one.
-mr. burns
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The Rules:
1. You can only say YES or NO!

2. You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone comments to the entry and asks


Taken a picture naked? yes

Made out with a member of the same sex? no

Danced in front of your mirror? yes

Told a lie? yes

Gotten in a car with people you just met? yes

Been in a fist fight? no

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes

Been arrested? no

Left your house without telling your parents? yes

Ditched school to do something more fun? yes

Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes

Seen someone die? no

Kissed a picture? yes

Slept in until 3? yes

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes

Played dress up? yes

Fallen asleep at work/school? yes

Felt an earthquake? yes

Touched a snake? yes

Ran a red light? yes

Had detention? yes

Been in a car accident? yes

Pole danced? yes

Been lost? yes

Sang karaoke? yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? no

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

Kissed in the rain? no

Sang in the shower? yes

Got your tongue stuck to a pole? no

Ever gone to school partially naked? yes

Sat on a roof top? no

Played chicken? no

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no

Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes

Broken a bone? no

Mooned/flashed someone? yes

Forgotten someone's name? yes

Slept naked? yes

Blacked out from drinking? no

Played a prank on someone? yes

Felt like killing someone? no

Made a parent cry? yes

Cried over someone? yes

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? no

Had/Have a dog? yes

Been in a band? yes

Drank 25 sodas in a day....aka POP? no

Shot a gun? no

Current Mood: contemplative contemplative

what it is?
skagurl
yoink.addios./losers
-snake
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ok so i must have been really tired last night(this was written a few days ago) because when i turned the monitor on and went to my web browser i had typed in the question in google: "when does ice form in the north atlantic" and there were all these websites pulled up on that. and i have no idea why i wanted to even know that...
to be as specific to say north atlantic, not just when does ice form.. no clue still why i wanted to even know that...
i do == crazy.

so i've figured out why boys don't like me. i look atrocious! yea..

i'm becoming increasingly aware of how funny i am. not to sound conceited, i mean people tell me i'm funny all the time, but it's just like undefinable.
also i need to stop starting a post and not finishing it for like days later..

i like having geeky bumper stickers on my car. mainly for the fact that i can look in the rear view mirror and watch people read them in confusion. ha ha! you don't get it.

Current Mood: calm calm

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
procrastination. hardwork often pays off aftertime, but laziness always pays off now.
-homer
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so i did it. this morning(it was tues. when i started writing this) i left the note in his folder at work. i think he read it. i hope he read it.. like half an hour before he started work i started freaking out and i didn't want him to read it and i wanted to cry and i was afraid he would cry and that would make me cry. i don't want to hurt him. i don't want to hurt anybody..
he didn't say anything to me wed nor did he leave me a note, and thurs i didn't wake up in time to go to work.. stupid not sleeping for 2 days.. tomorrow is fri, well technically today is fri, so we'll see.. i just want to be friends w/ him and that's it and i can't be friends w/ him while avoiding him like the plague, which is what i'm currently doing...
tomorrow we will see.

um i feel a lack of connection w/ my friends. like i have friends but i don't like hang out w/ people every single min and so i don't feel as close to them and i'm slightly disappointed. but then also at the same time if i scheduled meetings w/ people every 5 seconds then i would be too busy and never get anything done so i suppose it's ok that i don't over book myself.

well i can't think of anything right now, meybe later

Current Mood: awake awake

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
some of us prefer illusion to reality.
-nelson
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ok so this is probably one of the hardest things i've had to do.
this guy at work, donovan, is pretty much an outcast(socially, not in gangsta rap form) and i've seen people make fun of him and heard what they say behind his back and heard of the things written about him in the men's bathroom etc. and wanting to show the love of Christ i thought i'd try and be friends w/ him.
well that back fired.
i started noticing that he was sitting near me and sarah m. more often (and when i mean sitting near us i mean he would look for us even if it wasn't his row and sit near us) and like he would take his breaks when i was leaving. and i was like dangit. i bet he's taking my friendliness the wrong way... well i'll just ignore it and pretend like he isn't and meybe it'll go away. besides he hadn't actually said anything for me to know that he had feelings for me and i wasn't going to shoot him down w/o actual cause. so i just became more distant and what not, tried to ignore him w/o really ignoring him..
about a month ago i was leaving and i was talking to my friend chris about concerts and other things and the whole time donovan is like standing there and i was pretending i didn't see him. finally chris was like are we in your way of your locker? and he was like no, i'm just hanging out... and we were like oh, ok..? and we finished our conversation and chris went to work and i turned to leave. "so donovan, what's up?" 'cause he was obviously standing there waiting for me to be done. 'oh nothing, i was just wondering what you were doing this saturday?' "oh well I'm supposed to go visit my friend in sacramento this sat. but she might be in merced instead so i'm not for certain. why? what are you doing this weekend?" 'oh, nothing.' "oh ok then, well you have fun w/ that..." 'yea uh our internet is down so it won't be fixed til monday...' "oh ok well meybe you can play offline video games or read books? i'll see ya later.. bye." 'have fun in merced.' and then i left.
great. great! he's taken a shying to me! now what?
i began to be even more non-verbal and avoid him a lot to give him the hint that i'm not that into him.

so you know how you do the thing where when you want someone to hear something but you're talking to your friend, so you'll say it to your friend but say it loud enough for the person in close proximity to hear you..?
ok well meybe i'm the only one that does that. anyway. i would talk about boys i liked and not dating people i worked w/ etc. to sarah, since donovan always sits near us he should have over heard. and i'm thinking this is giving him a clue that i'm not interested.
apparently not. because i get a note in my mail file this morning that said:

Dear Amy Landers,

Please, call me when you can find the time. I want to talk with you seriously about how I feel. I don't believe work is a good place to discuss this as we do not have the time to talk much. My phone number is (209)xxx,xxxx. (yes, he's a porn star.) Since I have work until 3,30 pm, I'm usualy reachable starting at 4,00 pm.
Earnestly,
Donovan Marks

!!!
i was freaked out and disturbed for like the first part of my shift. what do i do?! this is exactly what i was hoping would not happen and what i was trying to prevent and avoid!!
i wanted to avoid the whole matter and i especially would not be calling him. i wanted to pretend like it never happened. but everyone i talked to told me i had to say something. dangit.(good advice given to me) because if it were me in his shoes, i would feel awful if i was ignored. it might even be worse. so yea. no matter what he's going to be hurt and it's up to me to determine how much or little the hurt is (/advice)
so yea. i wrote him a letter back and i'm putting it in his mail file tomorrow at work. i can't call him. i just can't do that. i'm like a non-confrontation person.
so here's the letter:

Donovan,

I'm surprised at the feelings you've shown to me, but i must inform you that the feelings are not reciprocated. I have no interest in being involved in a dating relationship w/ someone that i work w/ or also someone that doesn't share the same faith that i do. I'm sorry that my attempts at friendship were misunderstood & that you were mislead into thinking we shared more than a friendship but i want you to know that nothing will proceed beyond friendship. I hope this doesn't damage our friendship because i value you as a person & don't want our friendship to be ruined, but also know that it will not be anything further than this.

-Amy
(could i say friendship any more times)

trying to not sound like a jerk or a cold, uncaring person. because i'm neither of those things. but at the same time leaving no room for there to possibly be hope in any romantic involvement.
this is so difficult. this is like the 3rd time i've had to do this and i really don't like doing it.
awkwardness is to follow

and i know i said i wasn't going to talk about boys anymore, but this is different.

Current Mood: distressed distressed

3 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
you? you like me? no girls like me. are you wearing a wire?
-nelson
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that subject is not indictive of my current activity. i heard it on a movie or some comedian or something and found it amusing.

that being said i'm ready to give up on boys. atleast for the next year until i go off to school.
i dunno, meybe he was distracted, meybe he's not interested, meybe i'm making hasty generalisations or whatever that thing was michael said.
at any rate i don't think matt likes me or even wants to be my friend any more so..
i give up

and i'm tired of only posting about boys
but i'm sleepy so i'll have to post about other non-male related things later

Current Mood: crushed crushed

3 it is what it be or what it is?
skagurl
did i say corpse hatch? i meant innocence tube..
-mr. burns
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so i've discovered the wonderfulness that is the dishwasher. i think part of the reason that i was not as well aquainted w/ said dish washer previously is because my mom rarely puts anything but some plates and some silverware and some glasses in there. but while cleaning up from my party i put like everything in there, pans, plastic plates, pitchers. it was amazing! clean in an hour, better than handwashing. so yes. i must own a dishwasher whenever i am on my own

from now on vaginas will be called va-jj, not that i talk often about vaginas, i'm just saying.
more fun to say at any rate.

i need to stop attempting to eat 2 baked potatoes in one sitting. it seems like a good idea, but the implementation of this idea is not.



fun is fragments of existance with better packaging. i thought that was interesting. it was a quote from 'steve jobs' on the movie pirates of silicon valley that i watched the other day. rather entertaining. well, if you're in to computers then it is. if you're not then you'd probably be bored...

Tags: ,
Current Mood: sleepy sleepy

what it is?
skagurl
heck yes i am!


despite the fact that the questions were illegible...




Queen
Youre a TRUE SAILOR MOON FAN!! Congrats you should

be so proud!


Sailor Moon Quiz- -x How well do you know Sailor Moon?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: accomplished accomplished

1 it is what it be. or what it is?
skagurl
women will like what i want them to like.
-homer
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so this girl makes a comment, well a few comments, in class today and it made me realise how ditzy girls have progressed to. like girls in general act really dumb, and most of the time it's not an act. and i've been noticing it a lot lately on tv as well, mainly on reality tv shows i've been watching like blind date, elimidate, and beauty and the geek. the last one is actually entertaining, the first two i just half-watch while getting ready for class...
but yea. i think part of the reason girls are in this sort of regression if you will, is that guys like it/accept it. girls are rewarded for acting/being unintelligent. in the case of elimidate, the ditzy girls that have pretty much no clue are rewarded/win by being 'easy' and 'loose' and don't show off their intellect, although most of the girls don't have much to begin w/...
it's almost like the whole women's rights movement and women's lib. movement were for neigh. because the women of today are going in reverse of a lot of the things the foremothers were fighting for

i dunno, meybe it's just tv, meybe it's just california, meybe it's just modesto.. but that's been my observation as of late

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Current Mood: annoyed annoyed

2 it is what it be or what it is?